In today’s “me” driven society, most conversations start with the word "I." People feel empowered to express themselves in-person, online,editorially, on talk radio, and sometimes even in their sleep probably. Everyone is so busy talking no one is listening.

Conversations used to be a two-way street, but now we justendure endless opportunities of talking head syndrome.

As a Communication Specialist, my classes discuss how this affects their lives and relationships. We analyze political strategies and PR spinsters trying to get their messages out. We all agree there are no debates anymore. There are just opportunities for political candidates to stand in one room and spout their ideologies.

Those individuals seeking to create change need to stop talking and start listening.

Dr. Jack Gibbs developed six sets of communication climate behaviors several decades ago that enhance effective communication experiences. And if we want to create policy change, we need to learn to be effective communicators rather than talking heads. If we can improve our supportive climate behaviors, we take the interchange of ideas to the next level of thoughtfulness and open-mindedness.

The first set of behaviors is Description vs. Evaluation. Stick to describing the issues, facts, and behavior rather than presenting a judgmental perspective. Sometimes we believe we are being non-judgmental in ourcommunication, but our non-verbal communication gives us away. We must act without evaluation and talk without evaluation.

Problem Orientation vs. Control is the second set of behaviors. People are often so worried about losing absolute control that they refuse to address the specific problem. Therefore, the problem is never solved. Lets make an effort as individuals to stick to the problem and release our controlling instincts.

Dr. Gibbs addresses the issue of honesty in the third set of behaviors Spontaneity vs. Strategy. In a conversation, strategy involves a planned response that is calculated and filled with traps. Spontaneous communication is honest in its unplanned sincerity with transparent motives.This does not mean it is not filled with facts and details that are truthful or that one must be unprepared to give an answer. It just means that we shouldn’t trap and manipulate the environment of the conversation without giving the other person a chance to respond thoughtfully.

Empathy vs. Neutrality is an odd pair of behaviors. Peopleoften think the opposite of love is hate. But the truth is that the opposite oflove is emotional apathy. In this set of behaviors, empathy is a true emotional connection to the expression of each person’s emotional state. Neutrality on the other hand is the refusal to engage fully on an emotional level to try and understand the other person’s emotional perspective. It’s an in-your-face kind of non-verbal response. People, who are expressing a strong opinion, have emotional reasons for those opinions. If we can see the issue from their emotional perspective we can dialogue honestly in our conversations.

The fifth set of behaviors is Equality vs. Superiority. No one likes to have a conversation with someone speaking down to them and acting in superior ways. In order to show equality, we must listen. Listening is an actively engaged behavior. It is not always easy to do. But we have two ears and one mouth so we should listen twice as much as we speak. When we listen respectfully, it sets a standard of behavior that is often reciprocated. This is a communication occurrence where both individuals in the exchange often match behavior. That is why yelling, evokes more yelling. But a calm demeanor will often calm a tense situation.

The final set of behaviors is Provisional vs. Certainty. A provisional stance leaves room for alternative ideas. Certainty is black & white with no room for new ideas. Now, I personally believe there is Truth. So when I interpret this set of behaviors I look at being provisional as showing some flexibility and honestly listening to the other ideas. Our media and many activists say that if you don’t accept other people’s ideas you are being closed-minded and thus falling into certainty. But, the true definition of being closed-minded is not being willing to LISTEN AND DISCUSS other ideas. We do NOT have to accept ideas with which we disagree in order to be open-minded. Often being provisional will mean looking at all the resources available in a given situation. Sometimes a good dose of creative thinking and communication can reflect a provisional state of communication thus establishing the supportive climate for effective communication.

When we listen first to our partners in conversation we can get a feel for their concerns, emotional state, and create a supportive climate. Once we do that, our voices and opinions are more likely to be listened to in the public dialogue of activism.